Stream this song: https://bfan.link/repeat-by-thao
This song was written recently when I fell into the hole of depression. I've never been a moody type, instead I thought I'm always positive and would always find the light and make it through no matter what. But this time for the first time, it hit hard, out of my expectation, and it dragged me to the deepest of negativity I've ever seen, to the most suffocating point where I couldn't find any reasons to go on anymore, for myself.
Most of the time, what we want the world to see is brightness, achievements, "fighting it" spirit - all that implies we have our shit together. Truth is, we don't always and there's just so much pretension one can afford to put on when life slaps us hard trying to tell you that "stop trying for once, ever thought you might never make it because you're not destined to, idiot!".
In my darkest thoughts, my life story and my soul are nothing new but just a repetition of what already happened in the past lives and even will be in the next lives, only in different physical forms. If I am to fail in what I’m passionate about, that might just be my destiny that I can't outrun. Yes, here I said it. I fell into this depression (I think) because I saw myself as a failure. Waking up every with a dream that burns is a damnation, it makes us - makes ME - suffer throughout life trying to reach for that “life meaning". In a darker point of view, dream is another form of suffering that we are damned with the moment we are born into a human being.
Beginning is not always new, it’s a rewind.
What do we know?
We only know what we know while this heart is still beating.
📍P/S: If you are going through depression, seek help, talk to friends, family, or a professional. Find a channel to speak up. I used music to let it out and I also talked a few friends and my husband. For friends and family, please listen to really listen and help them out of their darkness. It's easy to judge and look down on someone's mental issues as a sign of weakness, but everyone is fighting a different battle and there's no suffering that's superior to another. Stop that bullshit mindset.